Wrong Bus or Pandemic Attitude

I’d been putting off going to Donkihote to buy sunflower and pumpkin seeds, but today was warm and partly sunny, so I decided to finally go.  When I realized I was on Bus 65 when I should’ve been on 61, I walked toward the driver to speak to him and… You know that thing you do moments before you have to say something in a language you’re not fluent in? Compose the sentence in your head and practice it once or twice under your breath before you say it out loud?  I.  Could.  Not.  I drew a complete blank.  It’s been almost three months since my Japanese classes were suspended, and two months since schools closed, so the only time I have a chance to speak at all is when I go to supermarket. And that doesn’t even count because it’s always, “Excuse me, where are the sweet potatoes?” or “No bag, please.” 

So I said nothing, and rode the bus to the terminus before asking the driver if he went to Nantoka Station.  He told me to go to the bus stop across the street, and the next driver would help me.  As I waited, I came up with three different ways I could have relayed my message to the driver.  I felt so silly.  Once I got on the correct bus, I watched signs whizz past my field of vision.  I was reading most of them without even trying.  Well, at least my reading hadn’t gotten rusty.  Before the pandemic changed daily life, I’d learn new phrases on Sundays and, even if I didn’t get to practice them right away, I’d often hear my co-workers or students using them during the week, which would then reinforce them in my brain.  But the way things are now, there’s zero language interaction going on. 

On the way home I began a mental list of all the things I hate about how COVID-19 has affected my life: thinking constantly about germs, having to wear a mask (inconvenient for bicycling), being unable to sing with the choir, postponed/cancelled trips (to Korea, the U.S., Cuba and Ghana), being unable to meet with friends in Tokyo, et cetera, et cetera.  Then I had to stop and remind myself to be grateful.  Grateful for my health, for a peaceful place in which to wait out the pandemic, for unemployment insurance, for spring flowers blooming everywhere in a riot of color, for the internet keeping me connected to those I love, for the million and one blessings that I don’t even notice.  I must be thankful.  

05/25/2020