I’m Done

You know how when you’re dating someone and a moment comes when you realize you’re done with him, and that a breakup is imminent?  You might not break up right then, but you know it’s coming in a few days or weeks? I’m there with Japan.  I may have to stay here for another few months because of the pandemic, but I’m done.

 

Today I went to the main post office in town to transfer money from my post office bank account to my U.S. bank account.  I’d done it several times before.  Since I’ve moved from Gunma, every time I go to the post office to make some sort of transaction, whether sending a postcard or paying my taxes, it’s a major ordeal, so I’d been psyching myself up for the nonsense.  Believe it or not, the language barrier isn’t really part of it.  What makes it a big headache is Japan’s ultra-bureaucratic way of doing everything. Every. Thing.  If there’s a complicated, convoluted, illogical way of completing any task, they’ll devise and implement it.   

I take a number. When it is called, I present my completed international money transfer form.  He asks for my bank book, ID card, My Number card (similar to social security card) and tells me to be seated. After inspecting everything for about 10 minutes, he beckons me to the window. 

Him:  Is Japanese okay?

Me:  I speak a little. [He goes to the back and retrieves a small, white device that looks like a tamagochi.  If you speak Japanese into it, it translates the sentence to English, and vice versa. I pull out my phone so I can respond via translation app.] 

Him: There are many problems. It needs the routing number.  [My fault. I left it at home.] 

Me:  I will bring it tomorrow.  [I already know that nothing will be accomplished today.]  

Him:  I must ask many questions. 

Me:  [Just ask them, man!] What to you need to know?

Him:  What is the purpose of the gift you’re sending. 

Me:  [Gift?] I’m sending money from my Japan account to my U.S. account to pay storage rent.  See? It’s written here on the form “rent for storage.”

Him:  I need all the details of the story before I can make the transfer.

Me:  [Story?] I must pay rent for the storage place that contains my furniture.

[He calls Japan Post’s English hotline for international transfers.]

Him:  It rings, but there is no answer. Do you want to call the English hotline from home?

Him:  I have no questions.

Me:  Is it better if I come in the morning?

Him:  Yes. When you come tomorrow, bring someone who can speak Japanese.

Me:  There is nobody I can bring.

Him:  Is it your first time making a transfer?

Me:  Last year I transferred money for the same purpose, and there was no problem.

Him:  Many changes. It is difficult now. We will need documents.

Me:  What document do you need?

Him:  A contract or invoice.

Me:  The contract is in America, but the invoices are sent by e-mail. [I pull out my tablet and show him the most recent invoice.]

Him:  Bring printout of the invoice.

Me:  I do not own a printer, if I forward the invoice to you, you can print it.

Him:  We can’t do that. You must bring printout.

Me:  That’s impossible for me because I don’t have a printer.

Him:  The company can’t do that.

Me:  I can forward the e-mail invoice to you.

Him:  We can’t do the transaction.

Me:  In America documentation is done electronically to prevent wasting paper

Him:  Yes, me too. [What?  No, y’all waste paper as if computers did not! There must be a hardcopy of everything. And don’t even get me started on all the faxing, like it’s 1995.]

Me:  If you give your e-mail address, I can send the invoice, and you can print.

Him:  Maybe you can print it at the convenience store.

Me:  They make photocopies.  Not printing from the internet.

Him:  Ah, yes.

Me:  What other suggestions do you have for places to print an e-mail?

Him:  Even if you bring the document, I will have many questions. [Is he trying to discourage me from making the transfer?  WTH?]

Me:  What questions?

Him:  It depends on the document.

Me:  All the information you need is on the invoice I showed you.  

Him:  Bring the document.

Me:  [I pick up my backpack, get up and walk out. Sort of like that meme of Annalise Keating.] 

This is an abridged version of our exchange. There was also a lot of head tilting, eyebrow scratching, twenty bows, three dozen “Komenasai,” and the mandatory lengthy consultations with co-workers.  Good thing I was wearing a mask because I have zero poker face.  He would have seen exactly how irritated and frustrated I was, how idiotic I think his rigidity is, and how little I appreciate his oh-so-polite, but empty apologies. 

I wasn’t trying to be difficult, but I don’t have any personal contacts in this city, so I can’t ask a friend to print it for me.  Also, I’m not working, so I can’t print it at work.  If they said, they’d charge me 100 or 200 yen for printing out the invoice, I would’ve paid it.  But no, automatons can only do things the way they were programmed to.  Thinking is not allowed.   No room for creative problem solving. 

Should’ve asked him if HE had a printer at home.  Many Japanese people don’t even have computers at home.  Talking ‘bout “Bring the document.”  Hell, he probably doesn’t even have an e-mail address.  Lucky for him we were talking through devices because if I were fluent, I would have scorched him with the most withering sarcasm ever.  Ugh.  UGH! 

June 9, 2020