Sexism in Korea

March is low season at the English Village.  That means that very few, if any, students came on campus.  Because of that, we teachers were outsourced to other places during that month through a program called Teach Away.  “Kimmy,” my Korean co-teacher, and I were assigned to work mornings at a home for adults with developmental disabilities in the countryside, and afternoons in an after-school program for the children of working parents----working mothers, really----in the nearby city.  It is common, sometimes even expected,* for women to quit their careers to become homemakers when they get pregnant, therefore, such programs exist for elementary school-aged children with two working parents. 

At the after-school center, children get help with homework, eat snacks, do art projects and other activities.  “Kimmy” and I were tasked with teaching simple English lessons and a craft activity.  One lesson example is we told them that spring was coming soon and asked them to tell us ten signs of spring. They’d say things like cherry blossoms, butterflies, green everywhere, etc.  We’d write their words on the board, then teach them the English equivalents.  After drilling the English vocabulary, we taught them a simple song about spring, then an age-appropriate spring-related craft:  cut leaves and flower petals out of construction paper to make a spring scene with the younger group, flower origami with the older group.  

Our classes were last, so children were collected by their parents right after our second class.  Two brothers, were often picked up late, so they’d hang around us while we erased the chalkboard, wiped down the low tables, collected supplies, and stacked cushions.  Since it was technically still winter, and Korean buildings are notoriously drafty, I always wore my long orange scarf during class.  Sometimes, while tidying up the classroom, I’d feel a soft tug-tug on my scarf, “Seongsemnim!  Seongsengnim (Teacher)!”  It was the younger of the brothers, a first grader.  I’d stop what I was doing, kneel to his level, and he’d ask me something.  If I understood the question, I’d answer. If I didn’t understand, I’d say, “Mulayo (I don’t know).”  He’d respond with a torrent of words.  I’d just nod my head and say “Ne...majayo (Yes...that's right).”  Satisfied, he’d then walk away.  This is something I love about the little ones, they are undeterred by the language barrier, so they just talk to me as if I understand everything.      

One day I commented to “Kimmy” how cute I thought he was, always tugging my scarf and asking questions.  She agreed that he was cute, then she lowered her voice as if she were about to share some scandalous gossip, “His mother is divorced!”  I was shocked.  Especially since, at barely 30, my co-teacher was much too young to have such an archaic attitude.  But then, she is the product of her culture.  This is a place where divorce is blamed on the woman no matter what caused the breakup, men almost always get custody (because they’re the breadwinners), a married woman (preferably a mother) is more valued than a single one, and divorced women have very little hope for re-marriage (especially if they have children).**  It’s understandable why women stay in abusive and toxic marriages, especially given that many will immediately plunge into poverty the minute they divorce. Of course, their social standing will also take a nose dive.    

A single woman over 30 is considered over the hill, so I also thought it was ironic that she was being judgemental of a woman according sexist standards that could also be used against her.  “Kimmy” did marry (and quit her job) a couple years later.  I heard that she suffered some sort of pregnancy loss.  A childless married woman?  Yet another factor this society uses to judge women by (even if it’s something out of their control, like a fertility issue).  By comparison, a childless, unmarried man of a certain age might be nagged good naturedly by family and friends to get with the program, but he is not being pressured and judged.  And his social standing depends more on his earning power and maleness rather than marital status or progeny.

*This is the reason why job applications ask one’s marital status. And it’s not uncommon (nor illegal) for women to be asked during job interviews if they plan on having children.  How they answer is often used to decide whether they’ll be hired. 

**This explains why you’ll sometimes hear about cases where divorced or single mothers will surrender their child to an orphanage to improve their chances on the (re-)marriage market