Whenever some guy tries to chat me up I’ll ask him two key questions. Do you have any children? Do you want any (more)? How he answers determines if a first date will even happen. By the way, [mounting soapbox] I don’t believe in going on dates just for the free food. There is food in my refrigerator and money in my wallet. So if I’m on a date, it’s because I think the man is interesting. Better to spend my own money than to waste time with some boring dullard just to get a free meal [dismounts soapbox].
Some dudes think they’re clever and try to tell me what they think I want to hear, not realizing that the opposite answer would’ve been better. Say, for example, I’m shopping at Tokyo’s Ueno market, which has many Nigerian vendors. I’m always happy to see black and brown faces, so I greet them. Invariably, one will stop me and ask me the standard questions. Where are you from? What’s your name? What do you do? How long have you been in Japan? Eventually they get around to asking for my LINE, WhatsApp or telephone number. “Why?” I’ll ask. They’ll give some variation of “I want to be your friend. You’re beautiful. I want to take you out.” I hit them with the questions. Here are the correct answers: “Yes, I have children. No, I don’t want any more.”
They’ll size me up and figure that I want a man with no children, and lie about having any. Wrong. Or they’ll miscalculate my age and figure I want to have some and say that they do want more. Wrong again. They eliminate themselves without even realizing it. The truth may have given them a chance. FYI, most of them are married to Japanese women anyway, so proceed cautiously.
The one man who answered truthfully: Divorced. Two children and doesn’t want any more. Hit the jackpot. We met up most weekends and spent the summer and autumn trying new restaurants and checking out festivals. He also happens to be intelligent and interesting to talk to.
January 9, 2020
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