Living and working in Asia can be frustrating because of the language barrier and because of certain cultural norms. And because of blatant sexism, ageism and xenophobia.
Being the only foreigner in a small village can feel very isolating. When I first moved to my little corner of Gunma, I didn’t see any Black people for four months. When I finally did, I wanted to run up and hug every one I saw. They must have thought I was mentally defective the way I was smiling and waving.
While many men are taller than me here, I’m almost always the tallest woman. Being a tall, Black woman in a land where most women are petite can affect your sense of femininity and attractiveness. Having to wear men’s shoes because the stores only sell up to size US8-/EU38 in women’s shoes doesn’t help. Yes, one can make online purchases, but I need to try on shoes before buying them and international returns are a hassle.
Not being able to blend in means that everyone is always aware of where you are, what you’re doing and with whom. The most insignificant thing you do can become the subject of conversation.
Dating is more difficult if you’re foreign, and exponentially so if you’re over 35.
Also, in
societies like Japan and Korea, where confrontation is avoided at all costs,
people tend to rely on passive aggressive behaviors and communication at a much
higher rate than in the West, which can be really irritating and
exhausting. Being a product of my
environment, I prefer to just deal with things directly rather than waste time
beating around the bush.
It’s painful to miss out on weddings, funerals, baby blessings, birthday parties, and other major family and friend events. It makes me sad to watch my beloved niece and nephew grow up from afar. I’m afraid of my parents are growing older and, thus, closer to death.
I’m no Pollyanna, but I choose to post about positive things because those are the things that make it all worthwhile. Also, if I say five positive things and one negative thing about my experiences in Asia, there is always going to be someone who ignores to positives and latches on to (and only wants to discuss) the negatives.
Life here is life. It’s not some extended fairly land holiday. It has its ups and downs. Good days and bad. I pay rent, utilities and taxes. Do my job. I have to get along with co-workers and administrators. Likewise, when I lived and taught in Connecticut and Washington, DC, every day wasn’t wonderful.
Living abroad isn’t a party every day.
January 1, 2020
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