Dating in Asia, part 1 of 3

Dating in Asia can be great, horrible or meh depending on one’s methods and what one wants out of those encounters.  Mine have been few and fall mostly into the meh category.  My situation is unique because I don’t use dating apps, wasn’t in my twenties when I moved to Asia, and, while my exes are a diverse group, with the passing of time, my preference has narrowed down to Black and Latino men.  Also, I don’t care to date military men.  In Korea, that left me with students, factory laborers or fellow teachers from a handful of African nations.  Or, at least, the ones who aren’t pursuing local women.  

At first I didn’t mind much because I was new and getting my bearings, working, developing my friend circle, getting to know the culture and all that.  But once you get settled and in your routines, you begin to long for someone special in your life.  These are the guys I dated in Korea and Japan: 

The Nigerian man who hated Korea.  We met up for bagels and tea in Itaewon.  He’d graduated from a Korean university and spoke fluent Korean, but hated everything about the country.  He spent the entire date bashing Korea and its people.  While I agreed that Korean thinking can be backwards and their ways of doing things illogical, he made a poor first impression.  He should have saved the ranting for when we knew each other better.  Nobody enjoys spending time with a Negative Nelly.  He later moved to Japan.  When I also moved there, I didn’t let him know.  Based on posts he’s made on a Facebook group we both belong to, I think he likes Japan better than Korea.

*The Korean man who wanted me to break the law.  We had lunch at a nice buffet restaurant in Cheongnyangni.   Conversation was comfortable and pleasant.  Afterward we texted each other a few times.  We both looked forward to meeting again.  Then he told me that he had a friend who lived near me who needed a private English teacher. Could he pass my number on to him?  I told him that Korean immigration laws do not allow for side jobs.  Your visa is exclusively tied to your job.  “He can pay any price you ask,” he said.  I thanked him for the offer, but I didn’t want to jeopardize my legal status.  That was our last conversation.  He ghosted me.  Ghosting is super-common among younger Koreans because it avoids conflict and requires no social skills.  It’s irritating, however, when grown-ass adults in their 30s and 40s are still employing that cowardly practice.  It could also be that he was embarrassed for asking me to do something illegal, but, get over it, nobody ever died of embarrassment. 

*The Angolan who wanted a hip hop girl.  We had Mexican food on our date.  We’d met in my kizomba class.  He was an employee at the Angolan embassy.  He was alright, but I think his idea of a Black woman from the U.S. was strongly informed by rap videos.  I did not fit the image of the hiphop girl he’d hoped for.  I ran into him a dance class a few times after that.  He greeted me without being awkward, and even asked me to dance.